Myth #11: Abusers are evil people.
Fact: “Anyone can find himself or herself in an abusive situation and most of us could also find ourselves tempted to be abusive to others, no matter how wrong we know it to be,” notes Joyce Zaldak.
Abusers are people who may be strong and stable in some areas of their lives, but weak, unreasonable, and out of control in other ways. This does not excuse their behavior because abuse is always wrong.
Abusers need to be held accountable for their actions and encouraged to seek help promptly by meeting with a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or spiritual leader. ~ Victor M Parachin, Author
With an informed community, with the help of family and friends, the cycle of abuse can be broken.
Fear: Men Who Seek Help Are Weak
Reality: Many men don’t seek help for domestic abuse because they fear that it will make them look weak. The truth? There are few actions that require as much bravery as walking away from an abusive relationship. To recognize that you are in need of help and then take the steps needed to get it is not weakness. It’s a sign of strength.
Myth #10: Partners need couples counseling.
Fact: It is the abuser alone who needs counseling in order to change behavior.
Social worker Susan Schechter says couples counseling is “an inappropriate intervention that further endangers the woman … It encourages the abuser to blame the victim by examining her ‘role’ in his problem. By seeing the couple together, the therapist erroneously suggests that the partner, too, is responsible for the abuser’s behavior.
Many women have been brutally beaten following couples counseling sessions in which they disclosed violence or coercion. The abuser alone must take responsibility for assaults and understand that family reunification is not his treatment goal: the goal is to stop the violence.” ~ Victor M Parachin, Author
With an informed community, with the help of family and friends, the cycle of abuse can be broken.
Reality: Domestic violence happens in same-sex relationships too. Some surveys suggest there is domestic violence in 1 out of 4 LGBT relationships.
Myth #8: The victim provoked the violence.
Fact: The abuser is completely responsible for the abuse. No one can say or do anything which warrants being beaten and battered. Abusers often try to deflect their responsibility by blaming the victim via comments, such as:
Victims need to be assured that the abuse is not their fault. Victor M. Parachin –Author
With an informed community, with the help of family and friends, the cycle of abuse can be broken.
Myth #9: Domestic abuse is a private matter and it’s none of my business.
Fact: We all have a responsibility to care for one another.
Officials at the National Domestic Violence Hotline offer this advice to people who see or suspect domestic violence: “Yes, it is your business. Maybe he’s your friend, your brother-in-law, your cousin, co-worker, gym partner or fishing buddy. You’ve noticed that he interrupts her, criticizes her family, yells at her or scares her.
You hope that when they’re alone, it isn’t worse. The way he treats her makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t want to make him mad or lose his friendship. You surely don’t want to see him wreck his marriage or have to call the police.
What can you do? Say something. If you don’t, your silence is the same as saying abuse is OK. He could hurt someone, or end up in jail. Because you care, you need to do something … before it is too late.” ~ Victor M Parachin, Author
With an informed community, with the help of family and friends, the cycle of abuse can be broken.
